Letter To A Lover

Letter To A Lover

I was wrong to use the word 'love'. It means so much. But what other word could I use?
I didn't even need to use the word 'love'. You feel loved by me. That's why you are drawn to me. You're not attracted to me because I am six foot with a chiselled body. You like me because you know I care about you, you feel safe with me, you
feel comfortable with me. You feel love coming out of me (no, not coming out of there) and you feel loved. I didn't need to use the word 'love' but I did anyway. I apologise.
However, love is not the problematic aspect. Reliance is the problem. When people rely on someone else, and that person lets them down, then hearts get broken.
You can rely on me to be your friend and your lover but, as long as you don't rely on me for all your emotional needs, there will be no disappointment. Feel free to love me; just don't put all your eggs in one basket.
You know I will support and encourage but I can't do it 24 hours of every day. Love is not the problem, reliance is the tricky factor. Too many women choose to place all their faith in 'The One'. Big mistake. 'The One' might be a good man but he ain't God! He can't be everything. And if he decides to disappear ... well ... the woman is left high and dry.
Love is healthy and feels good, but building your one and only home on shaky ground is unwise!
Sometimes, people 'fall in love'. They fall into this quicksand or sometimes they just decide to dive in headfirst (and more than once!) That quicksand is dangerous stuff. Love is good. Quicksand is bad. Quicksand will kill you!
Women are like lemmings. They can't help themselves. All these other lemmings say falling in love is the best, so they hurl themselves off a cliff! Love is good. Hurling yourself off a cliff is bad.
Needless to say, as it was your birthday yesterday, you are now an older woman, and I am very turned on by older women! I hope we can find an opportunity to share some private time. I have several things I'd like you to lick! xx

THE BEST

THE BEST

“You’re the best!” she said.

When somebody says that to you, you think, “Oh, they’re just saying that!” It’s something to say, in the heat of passion; an exclamation but also an expression of gratitude.

The thing is: someone said it to me last year too. It feels good to know that two women think I’m ‘the best’.

But I know it can’t be true or every woman would say it to me. The truth of the matter is: cunnilingus is a very personal thing.

The root of great oral sex: the heart and the mind. If your feelings towards that person are warm and affectionate, then you are that much more open to receiving pleasure. If you feel good about them, you will feel good about what they’re doing. If you trust them, then your legs and your lips open that bit more. You expose yourself, reveal yourself, allow yourself to drown because it feels comfortable.

But it’s a totally personal thing. With some women, their clitoris is so sensitive, there is no point licking it vigorously or sucking it. All you’re actually doing is causing her pain!

Some women love to feel a tongue actually penetrate them, while others enjoy a long, slow, deliberate lick all the way up the crack and over the pubic bone. Some women are receptive to rimming, and will raise their hips and spread their buttocks, while others encourage a finger massaging their G spot.

It’s vital to be gentle until you are given a clear sign to become more ardent. It could be catastrophic to launch straight into passionate licking and sucking.

I think women can feel my total enjoyment of the act. When someone appreciates your cooking, you can tell, right? Me? I’m like a greedy boy at a rib shack. I spend as much time licking my lips and sucking my fingers.

The Scent Of A Woman

The Scent Of A Woman

‘The Scent Of A Woman’ is a 1992 film in which Al Pacino plays a blind man. His power of smell is very important to him. It’s one of the main ways he appreciates a woman. It’s merely one of the ways I appreciate a woman.
The war of the sexes continues unabated. Men and women continue to treat each other very badly. Single people and married people treat each other badly, gold diggers treat men badly, abusive men treat women badly, divorced people treat each other with disdain, and fathers and mothers fight over kids.
In general, women want a home, a husband and children and, in general, men want all that plus a mistress! It’s an uncomfortable truth we all have to live with.
I’m no angel. I have broken hearts. I have said some hurtful things. Words I regret. And I feel guilt because I truly love and appreciate women.
I’m sure some women hate being this fragile. I’m sure some wish they didn’t have to rely on a man. And, I’m sure some wish they didn’t fall in love so easily. And what do men to these beautiful flowers? Lie, cheat and beat.
And now there is a whole new generation of hardened, cynical, almost un-feminine women. They drink like men, swear like men, fuck like men and, if they manage to find a partner in the process, well, that’s just a bonus!
In truth, any man that finds a woman who is happy to put up with his shit is one lucky boy! And, what do men do? Lie, cheat and beat.
I love being in the company of women. They talk about interesting things. And, most important of all, if they like you, they will make the effort to look interested in anything you want to talk about, even if they know nothing about it or care little for it.
And, when a woman loves you, she will make love to you. She will pay attention to your body and to the things you like. And is there really anything better than being spoiled by a woman? As teenage boys, it’s all we ever thought about. And now, as adults, what do we do to these women that love us and want to spoil us? Lie, cheat and beat.
And then there are the women that can cook! Oh my God! Home cooked food! A woman will sweat over a hot stove to make a sumptuous meal for the man she loves, and her family, and his family too. Such women should truly be revered. And I do.
I try my best to be respectful to women. Like all men, I want to fuck most of the women I meet but, naturally, that is impractical and disrespectful. And, more importantly, it’s not actually what she wants. She knows that every man wants to fuck her. It’s no longer important. The novelty wore off long, long ago. What she actually wants from you is … you. And, if you have a personality, you can make a friend of this woman.
So, I love it all: the scent, the kindness, the intellect, the passion. This smile just won’t leave my face. I am surrounded by incredible women and I never lose sight of what an honour that is.

ABS MADE EASY

ABS MADE EASY

“Abs made easy?”

Get the fuck outta here! Getting abs ain’t easy. It involves a lot of sweat and pain. You might have a simple, easy-to-follow exercise regime but the getting of the abs certainly won’t be easy!
You’ve got Jude Law with his shirt off on your front cover. Yeah, I know you want me to buy your magazine, but don’t tell me that getting abs is “easy”. The truth ain’t pretty but just gimme the truth!

In fact, John Lennon said exactly the same in a song called ‘Gimme Some Truth’ on his ‘Imagine’ album:
“I’m sick and tired of hearing things
From uptight, short-sighted, narrow-minded hypocrites,
All I want is the truth,
Just gimme some truth!”

On a daily basis, how much truth do you actually hear? Are you surrounded by lies and liars? If we take it for granted that adverts promise much more than they could ever hope to deliver, and if we take it for granted that your boss is lying about your hopes of promotion, and if we take it for granted that your friend is lying about liking your new boyfriend, how much truth do you actually have in your life?

Needless to say, on a daily basis, I’ve got several fools sending me e-mails asking me if I’m satisfied with the size of my penis, asking me if my girlfriend/wife is satisfied with the size of my penis, asking me whether I’m the laughing stock in the locker room. Don’t you feel sorry for the guys wasting their money on these pills and potions? These spam e-mails are all lies. Even those dumb chain e-mails from well-meaning friends. So, we can also take it for granted that a high percentage of your inbox is full of lies.

So, who else is lying to you? Did you ever wonder how completely incompetent people obtain high-paying, high-profile jobs and, soon after, get knighted or given a lordship? Yep, the employers of these spineless wonders are lying to you too. They will try and convince you they’ve hired the right guy for the job, but he’s actually just someone in their social circle; more jobs for the boys.

And how about the lies our partner tells us? Okay, let’s not call them ‘lies’. Let’s say our partners are sparing with the truth. And, to be honest, they ‘spare the truth’ in order to ‘spare’ our feelings. These lies are coming from a good place. Ask your partner what they’re thinking about. How much truth will you get? Ask your partner how they’re feeling. How much truth will you get? Being completely honest is scary. Really scary! Hollywood movies like ‘Liar Liar’ make being truthful seem quite fun but, in reality, it’s the scariest way to live your life.

The best we can hope to achieve is being honest with ourselves. If you can’t be 100% totally honest within the privacy of your head, where else? Admitting the truth to yourself feels good.

However, saying “I’m unhappy” is not admitting the truth. You being unhappy is how you feel. ‘The truth’ might be, “I’m unhappy because I’m too lazy to do anything about it.” Or, ‘the truth’ might be, “I’m unhappy because I’m totally crippled by self-esteem issues.”

‘The truth’ might be, “I don’t want to be faithful.” Or, ‘the truth’ might be, “I badly need to be treated like a slut because being this prim and proper is fucking boring!”

Or ‘the truth’ might be, “Thank God for Blogger and the people who read my blogs, or I would feel very alone.”

SO-SO SEX

SO-SO SEX

There’s only one thing worse than no sex and that’s so-so sex!

If you’re not having sex, at least you can count on good ol’ reliable masturbation. Self-love will never let you down.

So-so sex is caused by a variety of things:

1) No sexual chemistry. This can be even more frustrating, as it always seems as if there was sexual chemistry. The evening went well, the wine and conversation were flowing, and it seemed as if everything was falling into place, and then you both got naked! And that’s when it all began to go wrong! It just didn’t ‘feel’ right. Nothing to do with your technique or his technique, it just didn’t ‘feel’ right. No spark. No excitement.

Lack of chemistry is no one’s fault. It’s sometimes devastating when two people that love each other have no chemistry. Chemistry is a truly magical, mystical element. Conversely, you might find you have amazing sexual chemistry with a serial player who will only break your heart. Ah, them’s the breaks!

2) Poor technique. Some folks just don’t know what they’re doing. Some people have no concept of foreplay, while others just have no concept of how the human body works. Some guys don’t know where the clitoris is, while others want to suck it like they’re a vacuum cleaner! Some women grab the penis likes they’re about to slice cucumber, and jerk it without lubricant, unaware that the guy is crying inside.

3) Body aversion. Some people have hang-ups about the human body and the way it works. Some women will tentatively perform fellatio but gag at the thought of coming into contact with semen. While some men don’t want to go “down there” because of “that smell”, completely unaware that their scrotum smells like mouldy cheese!

4) Personal dislikes. Someone who keeps saying, “I don’t really like doing that,” is going to get irritating. Sex with a list of ‘do’ and ‘don’t’ is going to be so-so! During sex, the word ‘no’ should NOT be heard! The only two words you want to hear are “Yes!” and “Again” and, the odd exclamation of “Jesus!”

Of course, married couples have been having so-so sex for years. She knows exactly what he will do; he knows exactly what she likes. You could almost programme two robots? But, at least there is love. Assuming this married couple like each other, at least there is still love. They fall asleep together, they wake up together and, for a few moments at least, the world seems good.

Needless to say, there are always ‘experts’, happy to regurgitate the same old article: “How To Keep The Marital Bed Hot” or “20 Ways For Mum And Dad To Keep It Spicy”. Yeah, yeah! Thanks for the tips! If you want to be helpful, take the kids for a week!

Can so-so sex be avoided? Not if you are still looking for a partner. Trial and error involves two things: trial and error.

Is it worth getting stressed about so-so sex? Not really. Because, every so often, you get a good one. One that wants to give you pleasure and won’t quit until you’re satisfied!

Age And Attractiveness

Age And Attractiveness

We hit those age bracket milestones (30,40,50) and they are cruel psychological pranks. Imaginary grey hairs, imaginary wrinkles, imaginary aches and pains. Those wicked numbers fuck with your head! The mile-o-meter clicks over from 29 to 30 and, all of a sudden, the teenage years are gone and it’s all downhill from that point! Imagine how the 40-year-olds feel!

Unbelievably, as the years pass, some of us feel less and less attractiveness. We buy into the young person’s definition of beauty. But why the fuck are we listening to young people? They eat junk food and listen to shit music!

As you get older - yes, it’s true – more and more young people will stop finding you attractive, and it’s quite traumatic! You can go into certain bars, clubs and parties and not catch one person’s eye! Profoundly depressing!

Age even prevents you from dressing in a certain way. You don’t want to be described as “mutton dressed as lamb”. You don’t want young people staring and sniggering.

“Dancing like my dad” is a derogatory term to describe extravagant, ridiculous dance moves. “Dad rock” is used to describe corny tracks by has-been bands. Not even Homer Simpson is cool! He makes you laugh but you wouldn’t really want to hang with him, would you? What would you talk about?

We are subjected to films and TV shows called ‘Grumpy Old Men’, ‘Last Of The Summer Wine’ and ‘One Foot In The Grave’, in which lust and longing are a foolish notion. Old men are depicted as tired and frustrated.

And then they created a miracle cure! Every old man could take Viagra and he would have an erection that lasted hours! But who is the old man going to fuck? Who will want him? After all, he is merely an old man with an erection.

In truth, the secret is not in the erection. The important body part is much further north. The old cliché goes, “You’re as old as you feel” and, right now, I feel great! My erection is as hard and long-lasting as ever, and you will never see me pop a pill! My sex life isn’t a high-action porn movie but I cum as often as ever!

In fact, I love my erection! And, as an exhibitionist, I love to share images of my excitement. As I get older, I am seeing no decline in my sexual appetite and I still have that thirst to try new things. Grow old disgracefully really works for me!

And fortunately, with age, the inhibitions go! Right now, I couldn’t give a fuck! I go to a naturist spa and just walk around naked. If you want to judge me by my body, that is your problem! I couldn’t care less.

And fortunately, that couldn’t-care-less attitude really works for me! Beautiful women, even young women, want to have sex with me! My age has changed me and made me attractive in a different way. I am no George Clooney and no catwalk model, but I still have many fine wines I can bring to the party!

THE MYTHICAL BOOTY CALL

THE MYTHICAL BOOTY CALL

My sex life is so appalling; I don’t know where to begin.

I have so little sex, it’s embarrassing!

If I was a single woman, like some women I know, I could have sex with 10-15 men a month, as one of my friends is won’t to do! Horny women have casual sex on tap.

But, for a guy, it’s different; as many women want relationships. They want wooing, or courtship, or attention, or treats, or fuss made over them, even if they’re so-so in bed!

Some R&B singer popularised the term ‘booty call’ and got men all excited! It made gullible men think that, when women get horny, they pick up the phone and make this mythical booty call! I’m still waiting!

I am officially bored of masturbating.

I yearn for a hand job, I yearn for a mouth full of female ejaculate, I yearn to feel an erect nipple between my teeth, I yearn for sex that makes my muscles ache, I yearn to hold a woman across my knee and spank her until her bottom is red!

I have started daydreaming about it at work. Typical Billy Liar behaviour! Gawping into space dreaming about breasts and buttocks and swollen pink lips!

It’s lonely on this dull island. I need to be rescued.