THE SHELF

One of the loneliest places in the world is ... The Shelf.

Have you ever been in an old, dusty, corner shop?  You know, the kind of place where they sell stuff they don’t make anymore?  You look up and there – high up on the shelf – you see this sad looking can of processed peas, or maybe a packet of ancient, dried noodles?

Yep, The Shelf is a sad and lonely place to be.  You don’t want to get left on there!

As they get older, many women become terrified that they will get ‘left on The Shelf’.

It causes these older women to do all sorts of things: cosmetic surgery, reckless flings, much younger men and, sadly, some rush into unsuitable marriages.  And it knocks their confidence because it feels like a rejection whereas, in fact, finding someone decent is not a skill, it’s a bloody miracle!  

Amazingly, as these mature women become wiser and more beautiful, they become convinced that they are “old” and “past it”.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  After all, at 40, hasn’t a woman reached her sexual peak?   And, ladies, aren’t you getting ‘better in bed’ with every passing year?  (And, if you’re not, I’d like to know why not?)

Personally, I find mature women much better company.  Always have done.  For me, older women are all the better for their bad experiences.  They have a general understanding of how everything works, which means you don’t have to speculate or fumble in the dark.

Unattached women will look at attached women and think, “What has she got that I don’t have?  Is she just lucky?  Or is she just better at putting up with shit than me?”

The truth of the matter is that compatibility is a bitch!  This is how the myth of ‘The One’ came about.  Finding compatible partners is fucking difficult!  And ‘compatibility’ is NOT wine and roses 24/7.  It’s not that she’s better at putting up with shit; it’s just that she’s come to terms with the fact that compatibility is a bitch!  Being in a relationship is hard work; it takes all your strength not to jab that fool in the eye with your fork!

Do men care about The Shelf?  Shit, they didn’t know it existed!  If they can escape marriage, they are happy as Larry!   If they can escape marriage, they can remain single forever, which is wonderful, until they die in an empty house, penniless and alone.

I’m not saying the The Shelf doesn’t exist; I’m just saying that more women should hold their nerve for longer!  Don’t hang up your diamond-studded G-string before you have to!  Reaching 40 and deciding you’ve been ‘left on the shelf’ is madness!